Sunday, May 13, 2012

Remembering the UnMothers of Mother’s Day...

Worth posting again.
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Today is Mother’s Day - the one day set aside, in a calendar year, to recognize our mothers.
I have a mother, and I have “recognized” her with the customary “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom” salutation.
But, alas, nothing more - no fancy flowers, gifts or the like. 
Bad girl, Jenny!   
Right? 
Well… WRONG!
The “official” Mother’s Day holiday is on my calendar through someone else’s doing. I did not get up one morning and decide that on the second Sunday in May I would acknowledge my mother - no, someone else came up with that idea.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think some of us need to be reminded that at least once a year we pull out all the stops and let mom know that she’s special.
But, there are some of us that don’t limit ourselves to one day. 
I would rather take one day off of remembering “mother” in light of the fact I have her on my radar the other three hundred and sixty-four days.
Small acts of kindness, practiced all year long, suit me, also a mother, much better than one big “bang for your buck” day and then cast under the bus for the rest of the year.
I will be spending the day with my daughter - yes, she does celebrate Mother’s Day! 
And, I confess, I love it!
I also love the random “remembering mother” moments that happen when I least expect them because they aren’t on a calendar.
BUT... this post is really about some other women...the Unmothers of Mother’s Day.
It’s about the women in our lives, not biologically connected to us or anyone else, that have mothered us with such love and kindness that they have earned the title “mother” and are worthy of inclusion on this very special day.
Today, I acknowledge the Unmothers of Mother’s Day!
Let me start with Linda, my daughter’s godmother.
Linda has no biological children - but what a mother she is! My daughter is blessed to have this amazing, gracious and wise woman as a “mother” figure in her life. 
Linda’s reliable, consistent, unfailing and steadfast nature has been like a beacon on a stormy night on those occasions when I have not always been the “right” person for the job of “mothering” my daughter.
Then, there’s Remy, aka Remy-Mama; a mothering-angel from heaven! 
Remy also had no biological children - but loved and raised my daughter as if she was her own. Her loving, patient and inspiring nature helped develop those same attributes in my daughter. 
I am, and will forever be, in Remy’s debt for the kindness and commitment she put into caring for my daughter as her nanny; while I, a single mother, worked myself silly to support the three of us.
These are just two examples of the unmothers of the world; amazing women that are often relegated to a back seat because they are not “real” mothers in the eyes of society and there is no singular date on the calendar recommending them for recognition.
Tsk, tsk…
Real mothers... what actually is a “real” mother?
Are you a mother just because you can produce a child from your body?
As you read this, pause, and think of the women you know - all of them, then ask yourself  how many of these amazing women, that have crossed your path, are worthy of the distinction of “mother” solely on their mothering nature, and not because of their ability to give birth to a child.
How about the woman, a single child herself with no children, caring for her ailing mother?
How about the woman that volunteers as a Big Sister, because she loves children?
How about the woman, who adopts a child, just because?
Or the woman, that really doesn’t want children, but is absolutely the best auntie on the planet and spoils her nieces and nephews silly?
Or the woman, that is unable to have her own - and suffers a lifetime because she feel incomplete - but would have been the most incredible mother ever?
In every corner, on every street, in all the cities around the globe there is a woman that is worthy of being honoured on this very special day, solely because she excels in the mothering department - without biological connections.
To all the unmothers of the world - this post is for you!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! ENJOY!

Is there an unmother you will be remembering today?

Cheers, Jenny

38 comments:

  1. I'd prefer to simply love on my mom every day rather than just one day a year. (Although she did get a card and a Barnes and Noble gift card today.)
    Wonderful thought to acknowledge all 'mothers.' My wife and I have no kids, but she definitely knows how to take care of me. Hmm, maybe that's why she didn't want kids...?

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    1. I took mom out on Friday - had lunch, shopped, and just enjoyed her company. Before my husband and I had Miss CP we were on our own or seven years - I mothered him too...hence the parting of ways after the baby came; I am a one baby woman! - hahahaha - so the "older" baby got tossed out with that cold bathwater of yesterday!

      Thanks for dropping by, Alex - and pass on a "Happy Unmother's Day" greeting to your wife. :)

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  2. Loved this and you are right, I relate to his a lot!

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    1. Children are such a blessing, but they come to us in many ways...whether biologically or not I am always amazed and how women rise to the occasion and show the world we can be mothers on so many different levels. Happy Unmother's Day, Claudia! Hugs, Jenny.

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  3. we don't have Mother's day here, but we usually give gifts to all ladies, not just moms, on March 8th, the international day of women.

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    1. The reason you don't have Mother's Day there is someone was clever enough to realize mothers should be celebrated and remembered everyday. I also like March 8th because it speaks to all women, not just mothers.

      Thank you for dropping by - I've been thinking about you and hoping all is bright and sunny in your world. With smiles, Jenny.

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  4. This really is one of my favourite posts Jenny, it's so true. I read all the time about these people who have children then abuse that right, it just really isn't fair. The two women you mentioned along with the other groups of non mothers deserve some love on this day as well, it just isn't fair like you say to exclude these amazing ladies. Have a great Mother's Day with your girl anyway regardless Jenny, great post.

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    1. Thank you, Matthew, for weighing in on this post. I think we all know wonderful woman worthy of a nod on Mother's Day; that's why I thought I'd feature them...to bring a little light on the subject.

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  5. Our Mothers Day was back in March, here in England, but this is a lovely post, remembering all the important women in your life that have been such a support. You're right about your own mum, and it's lovely that you are thinking of her and doing little things for her all year round, and not just on this one designated day. I hope that YOU have had a lovely Mothers Day, Jenny. I'm glad that you have included these special ladies in your post today. Well done!

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    1. I remember reading posts back in March - I'm glad there's more than one day out there recognizing mothers - but I'm still opposed to "buying" into the whole commercial approach.

      Mom and I had a wonderful day Friday, as her "official" Mother's Day - but...we have time together most everyday and are always having little adventures. Like most of us, I don't need to be reminded to remember my mother.

      What this post is intended to do (and does) is shed light on the wonderful woman that are excluded due to marketing oversight. As far as I am concerned - all women are mothers on some level - and this is my way of putting it out there.

      Thanks for stopping by, Thisisme, I always smile when I see your little avatar - so cheerful!

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  6. Fabulous post Jenny!

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    1. Thanks, Carole. I cheated a bit as this was posted last year - it warranted a second viewing (and maybe a third, next year). I hope you are enjoying your new role as grandmother; I can only imagine the happiness and delight.

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  7. Happy Mother's Day
    and as always brilliantly said statement

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    1. Thank you, Becca, I'm glad you found this post "brilliantly said" - that put a smile on my face.

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  8. Yup. Two of my "aunts," both childless, who were actually my mother's cousins. I used to call them my second mothers. Can't imagine what my life would have been like without them, and I miss them horribly.

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    1. This post is all about woman like your aunts - woman that impact us just as you have written - life without them would just be unimaginable. Thanks you for your comment.

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  9. You don't have to physically give birth to be a mother.
    We certainly shouldn't forget those in a caring role even if those they care for aren't children.
    I take care to show my mother my love every time we see each other and I am blessed to have gorgeous children who hug me spontaneously and often.
    Doesn't mean I dont enjoy the little extra spoiling I get on Mother's Day. It is fun to be the focus for a little bit.
    Hope you had a lovely day. (a certain man spent some of Mother's Day pulling staples... )

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    1. Good point, Mynx, even if the person we care for is no longer a child we draw on our mothering instincts and those are not inherent only to women that have given birth - it is in all of us.
      This makes me think of how roles reverse as we age and take on the caregiving role of our parents and the elderly; I know of many wonderful women caring for elderly parents doing so with every bit of the "mother" in them being present even though they have never had children of their own.

      Thank you for your wonderful wishes for my day - I indeed had a great one! (one of many in the year)

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  10. Great post Jenny. There are so many who are worthy of the celebration of Mother's Day. How about the women who have children and they don't contact their Mother's? I've certainly been in those shoes before but I did get a text message this year so I'm thrilled to be remembered. I do know that he loves me and I do know my granddaughters love me too. They didn't call me either but I talk to them often and that makes me happy. You deserve acknowledgement 365 days a year Mom! You are amazing. Big hugs.

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    1. I remember, from last year, how heart wrenching this post was for you. I'm so glad your son put things behind him and contacted you. You are such an amazing woman, having conquered many hurdles, and your lovely granddaughters are blessed to have you in their lives.
      The parent/child relationship is truly one of the trickiest and at times I wonder how we all make it thorough the journey as well as we do. Thanks for dropping by. Hugs, Jenny.

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  11. Very good food for thought, Jenny. The celebration on a specific date is all about commercialism anyway. Next up...Happy Mother's second cousin's pet chihuahua's day...I'd rather have none of it, and celebrate and appreciate the important people in my life throughout the year.

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    1. I'm a rebel when it comes to the "commercialism" of days like this (and Father's Day). Of course I think it's nice that there is a collective acknowledgement - but not the part about having to rush out and "buy" stuff to show love.

      Thanks for weighing in on this topic, Botanist; and, you're setting a great example for your children by celebrating important people all year long.

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  12. So true Jenny. I'm with Botanist in relation to one of the primary drivers behing this day - Commercialism. I wonder how much time and effort would be devoted to this day if 'mega' bucks weren't in the offering? Kind of tragic really when you think that this 'formal' acknowledgement of the many wonderful women in our lives is being manipulated/perpetuated for financial gain. No one would dispute the need to set time aside to reflect on the enormous contributions these special people have made in our lives - just a bit galling that there is an industry reliant on this being translated into materialistic proof of gratitude. Most of the greatest gifts these women have given us have been at 'no cost' - yet another example that the simple things in life are often the best (and free).

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    1. Great comment, Accidentalwriter. The whole commercial component with these holidays really galls me too and I do my very best to resist the whole thing. It is a little hard when others expect something on these prefabricated "special occasions" but it doesn't stop me from finding my own way of "buying" into it.

      Thank you for dropping by and leaving this amazing and thoughtful comment.

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  13. What a wonderful post yes there are so many women who are mothery although they have no children whether by choice or design....heres to them.........

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Jo-Anne! Yes, "here's to them!" I am so blessed to know amazing woman who truly inspired me to be the best mother I can be by giving me their unconditional love and support.

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  14. Hi Jenny .. so many of us - you are so right .. we can be special too - honorary god-mothers et al. Had a peaceful day with my mother .. but ours is in March .. still we get two sharing yours.

    Glad you had a lovely day with your daughter .. that's great - so important and you appreciated your mother earlier ..

    Cheers Hilary

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    1. Thanks Hilary - In our behind the scene chats I know you are in a "mothering role" when it comes to caring for yours; I hope she is well and you are in great spirits too! Big hugs, Jenny.

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  15. Oh, Jenny, I just love, love, love this! Thank you!

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    1. Hi Elsie - you put a smile on my face with this sweet comment. Thank you, too! :)

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  16. You are so right. Even though I only had one Mother, I had lots of "Moms" that whacked me upside the head when I needed it most and kept me from sticking my finger in the light socket and many many stupid things like that throughout the years. They were all the best. I wish I could remember and find them all and say "Hey! You did all right. Thank you for keeping me alive."

    Thanks to Moms everywhere.

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    1. Hey Rev - your comment added a *grin* to my face! I can just see you being "whacked upside the head" by a few willing moms-in-waiting. It is quite remarkable the number of women that influence our lives. (I guess that's good and bad, eh)

      Thanks for dropping by! :)

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  17. exactly--so beautifully stated!

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    1. Hi Lynn - thanks for dropping by. I hope you had a wonderful Sunday also!

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  18. We were reminded during the beginning part of our church service that women in general have the gift of "mothering". It could be your own child, a relative, or someone else's child. It's part of who we are as women...we are nurturers! Thanks for the reminder. I've really enjoyed the Challenge...thanks for your part in the process!
    MakingTheWriteConnections

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    1. What a great church service - I think it's important to share the message of "women in general having the gift of mothering" - helps make people think a little about "all" the women in their lives and the love that is given unconditionally by those that know us but are not biologically connected. I have experienced this often, in the past twenty-eight years, in my business, where women extended themselves to me and "mothered" me through some tough times.

      Thank you for stopping by, Jarm. :)

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  19. Hi Jenny: i got to spend Sunday with my son, his beautiful life companion and her mom! We had a Mom-fest, chatted about our offsprings and solved the problems of the world in just a few hours! T'was totally awesome! We even figured out how to pronounce "poutine" the way it was invented! Yessss! Us moms had never met however, we have so much in common, it would be hard not to bond! Cheers to all those nurturing women out there! You're the best! Thank you Jenny for this post. Warmed the cockles of my heart! ❤Sylvie

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    1. Sunday was really enjoyable - connections and all. Thanks for stopping by, Sylvie, and leaving this lovely comment. With smiles, Jenny.

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Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts.

I'd give you a penny for them, but alas we just snuffed it out. Yup...gone!
It's all about the nickel now...so at this rate you can leave 5 thoughts!

Cheers, Jenny

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